To Be or Not To Be
by AnonymousWriter10113
Summary: This is a dark story where a very terrible thing happens to her. Can Beast Boy save her before it is too late? Can she survive after what has happened to her? There will be some romance scenes and some mentions of Starfire/Robin and Cyborg/OC. Updated regularly. TRIGGER WARNING
1. Chapter 1

Please take note that I do not own Teen Titans at all. DC Comics, Warner Brothers, and Cartoon Network do. I only own the plot. However, some of the ideas I got from other's stories. Please enjoy and don't forget to review! This chapter is the start of a dark period in Raven's life, but will feature a romance between Beast Boy and Raven in the future. I'll try to update as often as possible. FYI, there might be the start of a trigger in this chapter. There definitely will be one in future chapters though.

"Titans, GO!"

The five superheroes burst into action at the sound of their familiar call. Cinderblock and Dr. Light were currently trying to break into the Titan Tower. Apparently, they had a grudge against the Titans for putting them in prison. Cinderblock was in common room, he had fallen from the sky to shatter the glass and break the large TV. Dr. Light was plunging through the basement.

"Beast Boy, Starfire, and Cyborg, you guys take Cinderblock. Raven, you and I will take Dr. Light."

"Come on Nightwing, its Changeling now!" Changeling yelled right before he morphed into an ox. Nightwing had changed his name and identity around his 17 birthday. His old mentor had needed it in order to train a new sidekick and the old Robin wanted to try something fresher. That was four years ago. Now it was Beast Boy's turn to change his name. Since he had turned 18, he no longer wanted to be a "Boy" and going by the Beast was out of the question. It was just going to take the team some time to get used to his new name.

Raven drew her dark magic close and floated through floors to the basement with Robin. They appeared through the ceiling, dropping in front of Dr. Light.

"Time to bring out the light." Their enemy smirked at his natural enemy, Raven, before throwing a light bomb at Nightwing. He dogged the bomb, but was immediately hit with the after blast, throwing him into the T car. The windshield cracked as he landed on it, knocking him out almost immediately. Normally a blow like that wouldn't have knocked him out so quickly, but he was already exhausted from his nightly activities with Starfire.

"Nightwing!" Raven called, she reached out with her link to make sure he was okay. Seeing that he fine, she turned to her attacker with white eyes.

"Time to snuff out the Light."

Dr. Light's laughter sent chills down Raven's back.

 _Why isn't he scared? He should be terrified after the last time we saw him._

"Not this time little girl." He threw a blast at her, cloaking her in light smoke.

 _What is this stuff?_

She waved away the smoke and gathered her energy to blast Dr. Light into another dimension. Preferably one without light. But her powers wouldn't surface. She felt like she was completely drained.

 _How is this possible? What happened?_

Dr. Light snuck up on Raven in the smoke, making sure to grab her upper arms as soon as she realized that she didn't have her magic.

"Let's see how well you fare without your magic." He tightened his hold on her arms, making sure to leave bruises.

"Let me go!" Raven kicked her legs up in order to try and kick his head. He anticipated the attack and let go of her arms in order to grab her ankles instead. He gripped them tightly again, only letting go of his strong grip when he felt the defining crack of her ankles breaking.

"Ah!" Raven cried out as she felt her ankles break and dislocate. She felt herself falling suddenly, and her cloak being ripped off her back.

"Where's the fun in that?" Raven grimaced at the deadly tone of his voice. Dr. Light caught her by her throat and threw her into the wall. Dazed, she tried to stand, but she quickly fell to the ground in pain. She didn't have legs to walk away or her magic to levitate away.

 _Now what do I do?_

Dr. Light walked menacingly over to Raven. It was as if he was stalking prey and Raven was his prey. Thinking fast, she rolled over away from him, but he lunged for her hair and trapped her beneath him.

"Where do you think you are going? I'm not done with you yet." He smirked at her as he brushed the hair away from her face.

 _What is he doing?_

He dropped a hand to her throat and slowly tightened his grip. Raven thrashed and tried to throw him off her. He reacted by pinning her wrists under his knees.

"You ruined my life little devil. You took away the light. I took away your darkness. Now I'm going to take away your life." He dropped the hand that wasn't around her throat to his crotch and started to rub himself. Raven's eyes opened in horror, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get away.

He grimaced as she tried to escape again and pushed on her gem that lay in her forehead while squeezing her throat.

"Stop!" came her cry as white pain clouded her sight. Her gem was very sensitive and the oxygen loss wasn't making it any easier.

"Time to put some light in you." He uttered words that sent shivers down her spine again. Fortunately, Nightwing choose this time to start waking up. Unfortunately, Dr. Light noticed.

"Just one moment dear." Dr. Light raised himself off of Raven who took the chance to bolt. He smirked and grabbed her wrists, pulling them behind her back. With ease, he managed to pop both shoulders out while bending her forearms to unnatural angles. He smirked at her screams of pain and threw another light bomb at the boy. This time he was hit with both blasts from the bomb and would be knocked out cold for hours.

Raven tried to do everything she could to get away, but Dr. Light had broken her every way possible so that she couldn't. He stepped on her knee cap, bending her leg backwards as he stalked back to his prey. That blow was just for fun.

 _When did he get so good?_

The old man had beaten her at her own game in minutes, almost as if this whole ordeal was planned. He watched as the realization that this was a planned attack crossed her face.

"Oh yes, this was planned. And I have so much more to do to you." He answered with an edge of foreboding in his voice as he stalked over to his prey. She wouldn't be getting out of this one it would seem.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey Guys! Please don't forget to review and let me know what you think. TRIGGER WARNING.

Raven watched as Dr. Light menacingly stepped closer to her. She tried to back away, but she was already against the wall.

"Where were we?" Dr. Light grabbed her ankles, squeezing them for fun.

"Stop!" Raven screamed as she tried to thrash away. The grip should have been blinding, but Raven could feel herself slipping into meditation. Normally she would be in a coma in order to heal herself, but without her magic it would just cause her mind to slip from her body so that she did not feel the pain anymore.

He loosened his grip on her ankles and slowly dragged them up the inside of her legs. Raven's eyes started to flutter shut as her meditation started to kick in.

 _Azarath Metrion Zinthos, Azarath Metrion Zinthos, Azarath…_

"Wake up sleepyhead," Dr. Light dug his nails into Raven's thighs to force her awake. He left behind vicious cuts from his nails that drew blood. The pain was enough to force Raven out of her meditation.

His hands left her thighs and reached behind her to grab her butt. He let his claws scratch through her leotard to leave scratches on her skin. She grimaced as his hands sneaked up to her back, tearing holes in her leotard as he went. She tried to wiggle away, but at this point she only had control of one leg.

"Now, now, that won't do." He wiggled his finger at her as he pointed his blaster at her leg. With a large punch, he snapped through her leg and shattered her bone.

"Ah!" She tried to muffle her screams, but the pain was too much. She had never felt this much pain before.

Dr. Light smirked at her screams while he dragged his hands down the front of her leotard. He ripped long scratches in her uniform while making sure to dig deep over her chest.

"This is going to be so much fun." He smiled as he ripped the bottom of her leotard open. Opening his pants, he plunged into her unceremionisly. He didn't even try to prepare her beforehand. He wanted her to be in as much pain as possible. For him, this was payback for wat she did to him.

He laughed in her face as tears streamed down her cheeks from the pain of her virginity being stolen. He plunged into her over and over again, occasionally digging into her flesh with his nails to draw blood or to slap her face to bring a red color to her grey toned skin. Growing tired of tearing her apart on the inside, he pulled out and slammed her back into the wall. The pressure from her back slamming against the wall sent bruises up her spine. Without her magic, she was easily susceptible to getting injured.

Dr. Light tried to violate her mouth as well, but Raven was able to fight back some.

"Fine then," He grabbed her head and roughly threw it into a corner near the wall. There was a loud crack that echoed off the walls from the impact. Raven lost control of her mind upon impact, but without her powers she couldn't do any harm. Unfortunately, the daze caused her to lose control of her body as well. It gave Dr. Light just enough time to violate her mouth.

When she regained her focus and still refused to corporate, he grabbed her throat and squeezed while holding her nose closed until she did as he wanted. The impact of him inside her mouth left bruises inside her throat and tore it in places. His hands on her throat left bruises outside her throat. For any normal human, they would have never been able to speak again. Let alone walk again. Fortunately Raven was only half human and could heel herself, even if she was unable to heel herself right now.

"I bet you enjoy this little dark one. You just need a little light in your life." He grinned at her as he lost himself to the passion of violating her throat.

 _Stop, this needs to stop. I can't take much more of this. I have to fight back! There has to be away!_

Dr. Light grunted as he started to reach his climax. It was sooner then he would have liked, but he was enjoying hurting the little Titan. He loved watching the fight leave her body and the life leave her eyes. She was succumbing to him.

He started to plunge into her faster and deeper as his climax took over. When it finally hit, he plugged her nose in order to force her to swallow him. When he was done, he roughly kicked her in the chest, knocking her back onto the floor. She coughed and spurted trying to stop the choking on his ejaculation as oxygen suddenly was able to fill her chest.

"Stupid little girl. I hope you enjoyed that because that is the last thing you will enjoy." He grabbed her arm sending needles pricks up to her shoulder since it was still dislocated and threw her across the room. She hit the wall on the other side of the garage and felt her ribs crack uner the pressure of the impact.

 _Please stop, anything, anyone help. Azarath Metr…_

Her powers wouldn't come though. They were still being blocked by wat ever the powder was that Dr. Light used on her. Her friends upstairs had just finished knocking Cinderblock out when Raven's broken plea was heard. Despite not having her magic, she was able to send the message to Changeling's head. The rest of the team arrived just in time to stop Dr. Light before he could finish off the two Titans.

Raven watched as her green friend noticed her for the first time and started to run to her side. She could see that he was saying something, but she couldn't her the blasts and was not able to stay awake for much longer. Grimacing, she slipped into an unconscious state just as Changeling reached her.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey Guys! Sorry for the late update. I got sick a couple days ago so as soon as I get better, the updates will become more regular.

Sandalwood.

Sandalwood and vanilla were the first things Raven noticed as her senses slowly came back. The musky smell was overwhelming her as the only sense that had come back was her smell. She ruffled her nose at the strong fragrance, but it was oddly comforting. It helped stop the pounding headache that got stronger as she regained consciousness. Her limbs felt extremely heavy as she tried to move.

The next sense that came back was her hearing. She heard deep voices speaking to each other as she tried to move her head toward the voices. She heard the low pounding of footsteps that faded in the distance and the sound of a swinging door shut.

Raven tried to open her eyes, but the lights were too bright for her to open them up all the way. When her eyes finally adjusted to the light, she tried to sit up. Nausea and blurry vision flooded her senses as she felt her arms give out beneath her.

"Easy there girl," Cyborg whispered as he caught her before she fell off the bed, "take it easy."

"Don't touch me." Raven's voice came out raspy as she slouched away from him.

"Alright, alright, just stay on the bed," Cyborg shrugged at her and went back to his desk. Raven never was one to like physical contact.

"What happened?" Raven clutched at her head as she waited for the pounding headache to leave.

"Well, that's a difficult question." Raven gave him one of her looks that was a deadly glare. This particular glare would get anyone talking. "What all do you remember?"

Flashes shot from Raven's subconscious of the attack. Flashes of Dr. Light shattering her bones. Flashes of Dr. Light scratching her skin. Flashes of Dr. Light violating her.

Raven felt her throat tighten at the memories, her mind going into a frenzied panic state.

 _No emotions. Azarath Metrion Zinthos. Don't show any emotions._

"I remember up until you guys came in."

"Well, we defeated Dr. Light," Raven unknowingly flinched at her attacker's name coming out of Cyborg's mouth.

"Changeling heard you guys call for help, so we came-"

"Wait, who called for help?" Raven asked befuddled.

"Well, you did, I think."

"I did?"

"Changeling thought so at least. We came running to help."

 _Not fast enough…_

"So, what happened that you and Nightwing couldn't handle him?"

"Um, I'm not really sure. We just both got knocked out I guess."

"Just knocked out, sure," Cyborg gave her a look that said he didn't fully believe her story, "anyway, we got there after Changeling knocked Cinderblock out and took Dr. Light down. I don't know why those two were working together, but now they are both in prison. Nightwing is going to make sure that they don't get out for a long time."

"How is he?"

"Nightwing?" Raven nodded at Cyborg's response, "He is better. He was mentally exhausted since Star has been keeping him up all hours of the night. No major damages, but he needs some serious rest."

Raven nodded and looked away. She just wanted to leave and go to her room, but she doubted Cyborg would let her.

"Are you sure you just got knocked out?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Raven, when we got to you nearly all your bones were broken."

"I got thrown into a wall, what do you expect?"

 _Stop asking so many questions._

"Fine, so where was your magic?"

"It was there, it was just a hard hit."

"Right, so is that why it took a week for your magic to start healing you?"

"What?" Raven shot up off the bed.

 _I was without my magic for a week? How is this possible? How did Dr…Dr…Li…HE do that?_

"Raven, you have been in a coma for over three weeks, only one week was not magic induced."

Raven reached out with her mind to search for her magic, it was faint, but it was there.

 _Thank Azarath._

Raven also found that her emotions were a roller coaster in her mind.

 _Great, I need to meditate._

"Raven?" Cyborg had noticed her trip into her mind.

"Yes?"

"You okay there?"

"I need to meditate."

"Well, I'd like to keep you down here in the medical bay for a few more days to monitor you."

Raven glared at her friend.

 _I want my room._

"You were out a really long time. I just want to make sure that you are okay."

"I'm fine, I'd still be under the magic induced coma if I wasn't."

"Doctor's orders."

"You aren't a real doctor."

 _Let me go._

"Fine, Nightwing's orders."

Raven inhaled deeply in defiance, crossed her legs and began meditating.

 _Azarath Metrion Zinthos…Azarath Metrion Zinthos…Azarath…_

"Yes Cyborg?" she asked him after sensing his unease.

"Why aren't you floating?" concern evident in his voice.

 _Great. Azarath. No Emotions. Metrion. No Feelings. Zinthos_

"I just started meditating," she answered without opening her eyes.

"Oh, right."

 _Azarath Metrion Zinthos. No emotions. Azarath Metrion Zinthos. Keep it together. Azarath Metrion…_

"Now what Cyborg," she asked with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"Nothing," he answered before turning back to his computer.

"Well, can you take your emotions elsewhere."

"Oh, uh, I'll just be upstairs. Um, just holler if you need anything or anything."

"Right." Raven waited for his emotions to originate in the kitchen before she opened her eyes and looked around. She was downstairs in the sublevel below the "basement" where the med bay was. It wasn't used very often since Raven could heal everyone, but Cyborg had made Nightwing add it to Tower's building plans before anyone knew that Raven could heal.

Seeing no one, Raven let her mind relax and fill the void in her chest. She hugged herself close and cried out in grief. She let her mind wander to different parts of her body to test the newly healed bones.

They were tense and sore and she only had minimal scares, all of which were hidden under her leotard. Somehow she had gotten into a new leotard, but she was missing her cloak. Raven quickly conjured her cloak back and hid herself underneath it.

 _Azarath Metrion Zinthos…Azarath…Metrion…Zinthos…_

She retreated into her mind in tears to see the damage that had been done to her emotions.

 _Azarath…Metrion…Zinthos…Azarath…_

 _Metrion…_

 _Zinthos…_

 _Azarath…_

 _Metrion…_


	4. Chapter 4

_Zinthos…_

"Ah!" Raven fell into her mind, landing on her ass in the middle of Timid's maze. Raven grimaced as she felt her head for any bumps from the fall.

 _Well, that's new._

"Uhm, hi a, Ra-Raven." Timid appeared before Raven in her grey cloak. She looked exactly like Raven, but her cloak, boots, and wrist cuffs were grey.

"Timid," Raven stood up shakily, "I need everyone here, now."

"Oh Ok-Okay." Timid phased through the rocks in the floor to gather the rest of Raven's emotions. Raven walked around Timid's maze for the opening, at least she thought she knew the way to exit.

 _What happened here?_

Timid's maze had changed since the last time that she was there. The walls were higher and closer together. The floor was more jagged with sharper rocks and the sky was darker with less lights. Raven felt fear into her bones as she walked around. None of this was familiar to her and she had no idea where in the maze she was.

"Raven?" a shaky voice called out. It spoke as if it was rusty and had never spoken in a long time. Raven followed the voice around a few turns, but she didn't see anything that would call out to her.

"Raven?" The voice was stronger now.

 _I could've sworn I saw a flash of pink of here._

"Ra-Ra-Raven." Timid appeared behind Raven and tapped her on the shoulder.

"What is it."

"I, I, I called the-them."

"Where are they?"

"Yo-Your not gon-gonna like me-me anymore if I-I te-tell you."

"Tell me."

"The-They can't co-come."

"Why not?"

"You-Your No-Not Gonna Li-Like me any-anymore."

"Timid."

"I, I'm so-sorry Ra-Raven."

"What? No!" Raven felt her soul being tugged from her mind back to her body. She fell back onto the bed from the impact of her mind refocusing.

Groaning, she sat up grabbing her head. It was throbbing from her emotions going haywire in Nevermore, but she was unable to reach them. They were so out of control that she couldn't even focus enough to meditate to get there.

"No." Raven whispered into the air. Her powers lashed out in uncontrollable bursts towards any screen in the room, even targeting the glass that protected visitors from the injured in case they were radioactive. She pulled her legs back into her chest and gathered her cloak closer around her body. Feeling a wave of nausea, she placed her head between her knees to still the moving room and quiet her stomach.

 _How could this happen? How could I let this happen?_

Raven played over the fight in her head. She remembered losing her powers and then he took her. He had overpowered her in minutes.

 _I don't understand. I..I know I'm not that strong, but he only took minutes._

"Raven?"

 _That smell, I know that smell. It's… it's comforting. Who?_

Raven smelled the vanilla mixed with sandalwood again. It was warm and comforting to her. She glanced up underneath the cover of her hood. She saw purple and black shoes by her bed followed by long muscular black covered legs.

"Be..Beast B…Boy?" Her throat hurt from talking too much already. Her body may be healed enough to take her out of the coma, but she still had bruises and scratches from the attack.

Changeling gently brushed the hood back from Raven's face, dropping the hood behind her head. He left his hand on the top of her hood, gently adding a small amount of pressure to tilt her head up to look at him.

"Hey Rae," he gave a slight reassuring smile.

Raven lifted her eyes with his gentle tilt of her head, revealing is broad chest with muscles that protruded out of his tight purple leotard. Her gaze followed up his chest to his shoulders and arms. They were strong, yet surprisingly gentle with her. She barely felt his hand as he dropped her hood. Her gaze tilted up more to his defined jawline with a small shadow, as if he hadn't shaved in a week. She looked even higher to his nose and single sharp white tooth and finally his green eyed gaze. She saw his concern and his pity.

Changeling had changed over the years. He was now as tall as Cyborg, but not as buff. He had a lot more muscles then he used to, but they were more for endurance than anything else. Sure he still had enough muscles for him to be considered stronger than a majority of kids his age, along with faster.

"Do..Do…Don't," She brushed off his hand while trying to hide her emotions behind her face, but Changeling still saw her grimace of pain before she had composed herself. He let his hand drop to the bed.

"Awe, come on Rae! It's Changeling now." He tried to joke to get her to smile. Raven didn't even flinch at his joke. Instead, she tightened her legs closer to her chest and started to shiver.

"Cyborg says you can go back to your room soon." He sat down on the bed beside her and tried to rest his hand on her knees, but she pulled back away from him with wide eyes. Changeling tightened his lips together in a saddened grimace.

"Great" her notorious monotone came across, but it was laced with emptiness.

"He says you will be good as new soon!" He tried to explain joyfully.

 _I'll never be anywhere near the same again._

Changeling sighed when Raven didn't speak.

"Then we can play video games or play stankball or go out for pizza or.."

"Beast Boy," She whispered.

"Ya Rae," he was hopeful for some emotion from her. His animal senses could only pick up hints of emotions, but all he could smell was extreme grief from her. He knew she lost something, but he didn't know what.

"I… I just want to med… meditate." Raven's emotions were so out of balance that she couldn't even pick up any of her empath abilities so she didn't notice how much he cared about her.

"or that. Hey! Maybe I can sneak you in some tea or something?" he asked hopeful. Raven answered with a small smile that anyone who hadn't known her for years wouldn't have seen. He got off the bed in a hurry to fetch her tea, but he slowed his roll when he caught the scent of fear and saw Raven's fear in her eyes at his burst of energy.

He gave her a small smile and inched towards the door, slowly this time.

"Hey Rae, it's Changeling… again." He answered to her with a small wave as he jumped out the door to fetch her tea.

 _He's still a boy._


End file.
